I’ve been seeing this guy for about six months. We met at a party and get along super well. We don’t live in each other’s pockets, but we hang out about twice a week, the sex is great and we talk and email a lot. The problem is that I’ve never really met any of his friends of his family. He doesn’t really ever want to meet my friends and doesn’t want to connect on Facebook. I keep trying to have the ‘what are we’ talk but he always avoids this conversation. Am I being an idiot? I don’t think so, I think we just have space. But my friends say I’m being stupid. What do you think?
i long to break this as gently as possible. so, so so gently. but here’s the thing… i don’t think you’re in a RELATIONSHIP relationship with this guy. either not an exclusive relationship and you’re the DL, or just not a relationship he wants to admit to at all. in other words, he’s not your boyfriend and you’re not his girlfriend.
it’s a HUGE marker when the person you consider your significant other isn’t including you in their lives in some way – not having you meet the friends or family, not integrating you in their social media in some way (no pics ever, no mentions, no records, no nothing etc)…
it’s a HUGE marker when the person you consider your significant other isn’t including you in their lives in some way
look, if it was JUST that he didn’t want to connect on facebake i could get behind that. i’m a little weird on facebook with partners also and prefer just to keep my actual personal life shit separate from it. but it’s not just that. it makes me wonder if he schedules seeing you (is there ANY spontaneity in your meets?), does he go out with you, take pics with you …
space is good, i like space. it’s important. but if there is more space than connecting after six months then you might need to get honest with what is going on – and be honest about what you want and what you’re getting.
a chat about where you guys are emotionally is a totally valid and healthy conversation. it lets you know where you are so that you can assess your own future and establish which needs are and aren’t being met. check-ins are emotionally responsible and necessary.
When your honey avoids ‘the talk’ or trips it up wherever they can, they’re essentially stopping you from moving forward with your life
when your honey avoids ‘the talk’ or trips it up wherever they can, they’re essentially stopping you from moving forward with your life and/or saying they’re not ready to define your relationship. and that’s not really very fair or very nice of them.
you can’t force someone to have this ‘what the hell are we’ chat.
but if being ‘scared’, a ‘commitment-phobe’ or ‘not into that kind of thing where we meet friends and family’ is stopping him from opening his manmouth to speak, you shouldn’t be putting your life on hold for that.
what you can do is decide what is best for you. and maybe this kind of set-up really IS cool for you. but the fact that you ‘keep trying’ to have the chat and are upset by the exclusion from his life suggests that you’re not happy with the situation. and so, sticking around with a partner who is not being upfront with you is a little silly. cos you’re only hurting yourself in the long run.
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