that last line added all the unintentional comedic relief this postsecret needed. because the sentiment is fucking dire. and not isolated, i’m afraid.
i find myself in a very strange position lately. i’ve always considered myself very porn positive. i feel that we’re super visual creatures and that it can be used in a variety of ways – educational, playful, arousing – both individually and as a couple. when women have complained about their guys watching porn in the relationship, my response has usually been something along the lines of: ‘unless it’s excessive and the subject matter is ethically problematic for you, i wouldn’t make a boogey man out of porn’.
the feelings that arise for you – rejection, insecurity, jealousy even maybe – are the feelings to pay attention to and the boundaries that you make your choices around.
but i’ve had a few men recently tell me about, what they refer to as, their porn addictions. either in past relationships or present. how they used it to switch off, numb out, check out and get a temporary high through a quick and easy ejaculation.
they will usually say that they felt this aspect of their sexuality was entirely disconnected from their relationship, and only in retrospect will they consider the demise of their partner connection as an instigator or product of the checking out in the first place.
i’m finding myself wanting to add a lot of ‘yes, buts’ to statements about porn
some, like our postsecret sender inner, might get to (or start out, more generally) associating sex only with ejaculation attached to imagery – and generally imagery that becomes increasingly extreme – making orgasmic, intimate sex with an actual human partner more difficult.
so i’m finding myself wanting to add a lot of ‘yes, buts’ to statements about porn. ‘YES, we’re super visual creatures and porn can be used in a variety of ways – educational, playful, arousing – both individually and as a couple, BUT there is value in moderation and checking yourself for behaviour that becomes habit-forming, creates a dependency and becomes isolating.
but isn’t that what we’d say for anything?
honestly, i know people who avoid choice and check out of relationships using alcohol, football, work or kids as their excuse. so…
i hope that postsecret sender inner realises that it’s not like brian brought the magic or was the only one who could switch on the tap.
have a happy monday beautiful plums,