Ask Dot :: Hello. I can’t get over my ex.


i. am. so. SAD. ARRGH!!!!


There’s this guy I haven’t seen in years. I’ve been trying to call him to go over everything. They say that time’s supposed to heal, but I ain’t done much healing. I’m in California, dreaming about who we used to be when we were younger and free. I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet. I know there’s such a difference and a million miles between us. I must’ve called a thousand times to tell him I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done. But when I call he never seems to be home. I’ve tried to tell him I’m sorry for breaking his heart. I don’t even know if he made it out the town where nothing happened. But I guess it don’t matter, because it clearly doesn’t seem to tear him apart anymore. I keep calling, like, a thousand thousand times. But he never seems to home. I guess it doesn’t help that when he picks up all I do is I talk about myself all the time.



Dear A

I’m going to be straight with you here. You broke the guy’s heart. Now, after YEARS you’re suddenly all sad about about it and want to work through your feels? what did you expect was going to happen? he’s moved on, it sounds like he’s probably MOVED AWAY and started a whole new life – and you’re wondering why he’s not taking your calls? You know, when someone refuses to take my calls after years of something being over (and me having broken their heart and all), the message i usually pick up after, say, the 10th phonecall is a whole lot no, nope, and not interested. And let me understand this correctly: YOU’VE CALLED HIM A THOUSAND TIMES? Where’s your self-respect woman? Frankly, if i were him i’m be registering a new number.

it’s going to be a cuggy blanket call to make you and your ego feel better

which brings me to: how do you have his number after all these years? how do you have his HOME number if you don’t know if he’s moved? i don’t want to be the one to have to tell you, A, that you’re sounding like a prima weirdo about this break up. i might even go so far as to say you’re acting extremely stalky, self absorbed and displaying zero boundaries, like a good little creepo narcissist. if you looked like steve buscemi in con air you’d be arrested.

not a great look

not a great look

you even admit that all you’re going to talk about is yourself when he answers, which just confirms for me that this has nothing to do with ‘going over everything’ – it’s going to be a cuggy blanket call to make you and your ego feel better. you know that scene in SATC where carrie is meeting with Mr Big’s ex wife to apologise for the affair and the ex wife sees straight through the little self-soothing act carrie’s putting on to essentially make herself feel better and assuage her own guilt? that’s you right now, A. you’re being the carrie. and that’s not cool.

you had the same problem with the other guy

Honestly, this is not something you should be pursuing, unless you’re pursuing it in group therapy and a therapist’s office. if i remember, you had the same problem with the other guy, rocking up out of no where and asking him if still felt the same way, even though he’d met someone new and settled down. have you watched young adult with charlize theron? i think you might want to put the phone down and just take a moment to move yourself out of the No Perspective Zone. get a sponsor and if you feel the need to relentlessly chase an ex after years and scratch around in their life again, call the sponsor instead. i urge you do this before they start calling on legal advice.

i might be going out on a limb here, A, but i believe that you’re The Crazy Ex. And it’s time to stop living in the past and dreaming about what did or might’ve happened and Move On.

love and tugs,


Writing about writing, Kinkly Top 2015 and Postsecret…

So i know that this is possibly the most ridiculous time of year to kick off the blogging again, but a girl’s gotta start somewhere right? I thought I’d give you a little quick ‘catch-up’ of the last week or so.

writing about writing

Screen Shot 2015-11-18 at 11.07.02 PMI wrote a short columny thing for brightrock about writing a first book. i think many (most?) people are born storytellers, there are just some who choose, push through, luck out, fall into, work their arses off, or stumble upon (sometimes all of the above) actually finishing and publishing stuff – whether by themselves or a publishing house. if you’re feeling like one of those people you might like this post. Read it here [clickety click] …

WOW. just clicked the link to make sure it was good and found a comment on the column by a dude about my ‘luck’ of being published. i’ve responded to him. if you’re wanting to write or looking to get published please take the time to read both his and my comment.

Kinkly Top 100 Sex Bloggers 2015

kinklywell, considering my blogging has been up to such shit this year it was a surprise to be on the list. though, it probably has more to do with me being signed up to their network than for actual merit. BUT I’LL FUCKING TAKE IT ANYWAY since i ain’t winning no awards here down in the sand pit.

what i do love about these lists though, is that they are a good compilation of sites, writers, bloggers and sex educators who are doing god’s work in the important field of waking people up to all the messy human stuff mainstream media thinks is to icky to deal with. sex. ew. gross. check out the great peeps here (me at number 22) [clickety click]

and then…

Postsecret pic of the week

4-rosieyeeeeaaah. you’re probably doing it wrong.

love and tugs