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My ex and recently hooked up again. We broke up about six months ago after dating for about a year. We went for ‘catch-up’ drinks which became dinner and then a nightcap and then a shag session at his place. It was really nice being with him again, but what now? The next morning was fun and we said cheers and he’s emailed me about hooking up again. Should I get back together with him? Is that ever a good idea? – Second Time ‘Round
Well, STR, I think the real issue lies in that little phrase ‘hooking up again’. See, ‘hooking up’ is not the same as ‘starting over’ or ‘getting back together’. Hooking up is simply hooking up for some easy, fun, NSA sex. but ex-sex is rarely RARELY NSA – there are either strings for you or for them or just for you about them or vice versa. the potential for messiness and misunderstanding is huge.
so before you go skipping in fields of fantasy and planning your romantic reunion of heart and soul, have a little chatty chat with the man to find out what exactly this means for him – does he want to hook up for sex for sex’s sake or is he looking at giving this another go?
’hooking up’ is not the same as ‘starting over’ or ‘getting back together’
what exactly do you want from this? do you want ‘just sex’ or are you hoping this goes further? if you think about the reasons you broke up in the first place, do you want to go back to that?
because although i think there is always space for revisiting a relationship that went wobbly (sometimes you both just needed some space to get your heads straight), there are some questions you must consider before jumping onboard the train you opted to get off of…
- Are you lonely? Is this just easier than holding out for someone more suited?
- Do you both want this? If you aren’t both 100% convinced that you want to engage on this emo level again, it’s not going to work.
- Can you get real and compromise? Plumfaces need to sit down and discuss what went wrong and how to best deal with these issues going forward. are you BOTH willing to make the necessary compromises?
- Do you accept that there is some shit that isn’t going to change? You’re different people, with different ways of doing stuff and different ways of thinking and being in the world. you can’t expect your partner to suddenly be remembering the details when they’re big-picture thinkers. if they’re moody little mcfuckfaces sometimes, they’re always going to be moody little mcfuckfaces. communication bridges these differences – but you BOTH need to WANT to communicate and bridge these differences. if you didn’t before what makes you think now is any different?
- Are you willing to go slow? Don’t rush this. If this person and relationship is worth it you’ll respect the process and take it slow.
So there you go. lots to think about.
IF YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM AND WANT TO TRY AGAIN…
you have to find out what’s going on in his head and you can only find that out by asking him.
if he’s on board for trying the relationship out again, then answer the questions above.
if he evades the question, disappears until he’s drunk or lonely or both or tells you to chill out on the emo front but still wants to fuck you – you best believe you’ve become an easy booty call for a man that isn’t man enough to respect you with an honest answer. then you tell him to bugger off.
IF YOU DON’T HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM AND JUST WANT TO FUCK HIM…
why are you asking the question.
This question was first answered on Ballz Radio!