Ask Dot :: Should we try our fantasy of her with another guy?

also a fantasy.

also a fantasy.

My wife and I enjoy a very adventurous fantasy filled sex life and we discuss all the fantasys we have. Lately I’ve had this fantasy of her being seduced by guy. It ranks as one if my most erotic fantasies. should we make it reality or keep it as a fantasy? Please advise.


First off, let me just applaud you for having such an awesome relationship with your partner that you can be so open and exploratory which each other. It’s really the ideal situation and as long as you keep it going both in the bedroom and out, i’m convinced you’ll have a very long, very rewarding — very intimate — relationship.

Now, to your question. You know, I’ll never suggest anyone steers clear of exploring their fantasies. I know that when it comes to the darker side of our eroticisms this could be difficult for some people (if not most) to be comfortable with. But i think our sexual fantasies say a lot about our deeper selves, and by ‘selves’ i mean the not obviously sexual side. by exploring and facing how and why we eroticise things, people or contexts we can come to a much deeper understanding of ourselves. and with the darker stuff, there are safe places and people to explore this with. but that’s a different post.

In a threesome with a couple the third person is something of a plaything that is being introduced into a paired sexual experience

So do i think you should go for it? yes. BUT be very clear that enjoying a fantasy in your head is very different to acting out a fantasy in real life. which is why i think it’s so important to bring this stuff out of your brain. while the idea of someone else fucking your wife seems grand at the moment and she might be all for it, you might be surprised by feelings of rejection, jealousy, confusion, anger and, well, fuck, a whole list of other nasties.

BUT. you might not. point is, you don’t know until you try, and when you try it’s best to go in as emotionally honest and boundary clear as possible. this means:

  • you and your wife are 100% on the same page with trying this out
  • you discuss what you are prepared to allow and what is off the table completely (ie yes to blow jobs, no to penetrative sex or vice versa or whatever)
  • you choose your third party together
  • you are clear about what happens before and after — are they going to sleep over? have a shower and leave etc etc … you and your wife might need some privacy to chat about what happened (or maybe it was so awesome you three become a regular cuddling threesome, but make provision for this maybe not being the case)
  • you are clear about protection
  • you discuss a safe word with each other — when one of you wants the play to stop, it stops no questions asked.
  • remember, in a threesome with a couple, where you want to maintain the strength and unity of the couple itself, the third person is something of a plaything you’re introducing into your paired sexual experience.
  • no one does anything they do not want to do.

so that’s it from me. go forth and have your wife fucked (with her permission). it is a very common fantasy and one many men and women would love to explore with their partners but are too shy to address with them. you’ve got that box ticked, so it’s could be time to move to the next little square on this board game.