I am Dorothy Black

hiya. hey. how you doing?

I became a sex columnist by accident. It all happened one drunk evening at Beluga. I’d met Sam Wilson, then editor in chief of Women24, a few times before. She’d read some of my stuff, but we’d never really connected. After a few cosmopolitans I decided it was time to take the bull by the proverbial horns.

‘Sam,’ I said, ‘Sam I must write for you.’ She said, ‘Yes, yes you must. I’ve been waiting for you to say something and now, now you shall be my sex columnist.’

I wanted to be a thinky writer. Writing thinky, important, Marianne Thammesque thinks of import on weighty topics

This was not want I wanted to hear. I wanted to be a thinky writer. Writing thinky, important, Marianne Thammesque thinks of import on weighty topics such as feminism, politics and socio-economic whatnots … something like that.

But no. It was to be sex. And, as it turned out, I was pretty good at it. The writing that is, not the sex. Which is something I had to clarify also to my mother when her face dropped at that line after her exasperated question: ‘Maar hoekom moet jy nou oor dit skryf?’ (‘why must you write about that)

Why indeed.

It’s not really a question that has any formulated answer (not great for interviews, I’ve found), but it is a topic that includes a few of my favourite things: sex, conversation and poking at dark places that make people uncomfortable and force some honesty. And, as it turns out, it’s quite a thinky, important thing to be writing and talking about.

Anonymity was part habit, part necessity that became mostly all fun when I started working with Sasha Martinengo as ‘The Stig of Sex’

Sex, sexuality and sensuality – how we relate to it in ourselves and with others is a personal experience that affects the national agenda, and vice versa. (I talk about this more in this year’s 2012/2013 Big Issue Collector’s Edition). It’s a feedback loop that needs self-reflection, awareness and dialogue if matters – from accepting your kinks to accepting the reality of sex workers – are ever going to change for the better.

Which brings me to the face issue.

I started blogging under the pen name Dorothy Black in 2006. Three years later, when I began writing for Women24, the name was as much a part of me as my experiences were. It didn’t feel like a pseudonym I was going out of my way to employ. Of course, at the time, I was working a respectable 9-to-5 job, writing for and copy editing respectable publications that would never have taken kindly to associations with the ‘seedy’ side of journalism. Anonymity was part habit, part necessity that became mostly all fun when I started working with Sasha Martinengo as ‘The Stig of Sex’.

I’ve pissed a lot of people off. But I’ve made peace with that. Haters gonna hate and family eventually comes around

Naturally, there were other reasons for anonymity: creeps, nasty column trolls that took pleasure wishing physical violence upon me, and family and lovers that were new to the idea of being written about so intimately and from such a one-sided opinion. I’ve pissed a lot of people off. But I’ve made peace with that. Haters gonna hate and family eventually comes around.

But the conversations I have and want to have about sex and relating cannot be done behind a screen anymore. I preach honesty, openness and frank dialogue but do so, it appears to others, from the ‘safety’ of relative anonymity – a fact that diminishes the punchiness of the message. Which is a fair point.

So. Enough of that. Ta-daa. Here’s my face.

I have a profound, new respect for models and people in the entertainment industry

You better like it cos being in front of that camera was a fucking nightmare. I am extremely camera shy and even though my darling photographer Lillith made me feel like a supermodel (they really do do that thing you know… ‘yes, great, you’re looking sexy, chin up, look at the camera, beautiful, you’re beautiful, you’re amazing’…), I walked away reminded that I chose writing as a career more because it’s largely a faceless solo performance than because I’m particularly gifted at it.

I have a profound, new respect for models and people in the entertainment industry. I might even go so far as to say I’d tip my hat to Jeannie D.

So there you go. A lot will start changing now. The kind of content will stay the same, but there will be more of it. More videos, more face interviews (me doing the interviews, I’m like a deer caught in head lights when I’m interviewed), more covering of events from Sexpos and such, and more pics from the parties, the people and workshops I talk about.

It’s a whole new world for me plums. Hope you stick around for the ride.

42 Comments:

  1. You have a very hate filled face. Remember, after a certain period of time, we wear the face of our character

    Kelley
    May 20, 2014 at 4:48 am
    • ahhhh kelley you say the sweetest things! your kind concern for my face’s well-being reminds me of that delightful quote from writer anais nin: we see the world not as it is, but as we are. have a wonderful day.

      dot
      May 20, 2014 at 8:02 am
      • You need a ‘like’ button

        kO
        May 23, 2014 at 10:16 am
  2. yummy! :)

    Devon
    January 25, 2013 at 9:38 am
  3. Yay SO HOT! Now I can fap to her voice without that “ohmygodwhathaveIdone” feeling of it being some post-menopausal land whale with a sexy voice ;)

    Ifuckinglovecigarettes
    November 28, 2012 at 8:08 pm
    • Your boldness paid off, you’re stunning. Great blog, keep it up. :)

      Siobhan
      November 29, 2012 at 9:50 am
  4. Kudos to you! Thank you for sharing your story and your beautiful face. =)

    Your story does give me strength and courage to go on with my journey. I am going through the same things you went through earlier in your career. Angelique is my pen name, it is not to protect my name and face but to protect my baby girl. I am very passionate to help people know that is sex is a beautiful thing. Even if you have gone through the trauma of being sexual abuse. There is help to be able to enjoy sex the way it should be experience.

    How do I know this, We are going through this now. Soon i will share our journey.

    Dot keep doing what you do best! Educate, entertain and inspire us! =)

    Angelique Luna
    November 28, 2012 at 3:33 pm
  5. Gorgous! even hotter than i imagined.

    Mark
    November 28, 2012 at 11:30 am
  6. Love the pics, one with a smile needs to be added me thinks

    Ted Lodewijks
    November 28, 2012 at 8:24 am
  7. Awesome nice to finally meet you so to say. keep up the great work and fun articles.

    Stewart
    November 28, 2012 at 8:11 am
  8. Stunning!! And yes, the picture in my mind was wrong :-)

    Glad to be able to see that we could associate with a normal human being with normal feelings, passions and emotions, who, on our behalf, explores and pens down the realities of our on sexuality(iets)

    Looking forward to another million words from you Dot!!

    “Keep it up”!!

    pieter
    November 28, 2012 at 5:36 am
  9. Jy is werklik pragtig en beeldskoon…ja dit is noubeter dat mens n gesig saam met die advies kan sit en moet nie vergeet van waneer jy daai speelgoed toetsNie.Thanks for making it more personal

    Ken
    November 28, 2012 at 5:07 am
  10. Simply fucking gorgeous!

    Michele
    November 27, 2012 at 7:49 pm
  11. I meant you are! Lol, iphone fail

    ash
    November 27, 2012 at 6:00 pm
  12. Wow! You hot! Lol, but seriously, I are! why did u keep your fans waiting so long? Hope u still able to keep up the awesomeness now

    ash
    November 27, 2012 at 5:59 pm
  13. Kinda sad to have to let go of the “your someone out there” image… but wow the photos make up for that… good luck in the world of faces!

    Jo
    November 27, 2012 at 5:18 pm
  14. Be-YOU-tee-full!! Exactly like I pictured.. Lol..

    So is your name still Dorothy Black? Hahhahhaaa

    Cybafaerie
    November 27, 2012 at 5:16 pm
  15. nice…

    dignity
    November 27, 2012 at 4:17 pm
  16. So much of excitement and sexiness! Keep us aroused…

    Nick
    November 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm
  17. Heeeello nurse! Beautiful (and sexy) pics. Nice to finally see you. Looking forward to the ride…

    charles
    November 27, 2012 at 2:38 pm
  18. I’m so proud of you, Dotty :) Gorgeous pictures. Love love love.

    Jade
    November 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm
  19. You remind me of 5 of the best parts of 3 people I know. Its a unique heady combination. You dun good dot.

    KOh
    November 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm
  20. Hmmm, I was hoping you’d be a lot uglier ;-)
    It’s just not fair

    Pebbles
    November 27, 2012 at 1:23 pm
  21. Quite simply smoking hot and sultry silky…. in a word, gorgeous.

    Shelldon
    November 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm
  22. YAY! Welcome :) – and may I say very nice photos!

    Dave
    November 27, 2012 at 1:16 pm
  23. Hi Dorothy,

    You look like someone sister, daughter – somewhat ordinary that we all can relate to. Always pictured you as the Madam of the HOUSE, living in a sex vacuum. But you are not, you are just one of us – who is not afraid to speak about things we all think about.

    Before I was “scared” of you, now I feel I can talk to you. Great decision !!

    Mr D
    November 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm
  24. Great piece!! quite an inspirational read to be honest.

    and welcome to the land of Faces…not just words and voices.

    Rudes
    November 27, 2012 at 1:03 pm
  25. Absolutely stunning !!!! Way to go Dotty !!!

    Jason
    November 27, 2012 at 1:03 pm
  26. Dot, I understand why you wanted to hide your face, but I’ve got to say – you’ve been depriving us! You are really very beautiful, and big high5 for having the guts to do this!

    Taryn
    November 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm
  27. Yummy!!

    skinnychef
    November 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm
  28. told y’all she brings the hotness.

    sparky
    November 27, 2012 at 12:50 pm
    • (also, that’s some distracting cleavage you’re sporting there, hon…nice job!)

      *two enthusiastic thumbs up*
      (yes…thumbs, not other bits)

      sparky
      November 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm
  29. Two thumbs up. Not for posting the photos but being who you truely are!

    Caitlin
    November 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm
  30. Thanks goodness!!! And here I was worried that the advice was coming from an old lady with curlers in her hair watching Oprah…what a relief!

    You’re quite pretty.

    Bernster
    November 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm
  31. You’re very pretty dude. Contrary to your prediction, you do look like the person I predicted. Yip.

    Welcome to the public world! :)

    Matt Black
    November 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm
  32. Congrats Dot! I’m happy with your decision, I think we’ve tweeted about it before. Big ups to you!

    p.s. – you are BEAUUUUTIFUL!

    Flea
    November 27, 2012 at 12:44 pm
  33. Hello Dot!

    Gorgeous pics, fantastic blog.

    Keep up the good work :)

    Gina
    November 27, 2012 at 12:44 pm
    • Are you kidding??? Fuck you’re gorgeous… This will ad a whole new angle on reading your blog… In a good way. :-)

      JP
      November 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm
  34. Hi
    In short, I don’t know why you were worried about your photos, cause you’re beautiful..
    Thanks for the great blog..!

    Joe
    November 27, 2012 at 12:40 pm
  35. You’re very pretty dude. Contrary to your prediction, you do look like the person I predicted. Yip.

    Welcome to the public world :)

    Matt Black
    November 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm
  36. gorgeous

    Kim
    November 27, 2012 at 12:37 pm
  37. let me just say I am surprised….pleasantly so!!

    Ant
    November 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm

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