you’ll have to excuse an introspective piece inspired by youtube soundtrack compilations and stormy weather…
This is so weirdly well-timed today. i’m sorry this postcard-sender-inner feels this way, but i’ll tell you what, i’ve been thinking quite a lot about recreating a past for myself. one that is a lot nicer than the one i actually had.
in fact, this very morning i sat chatting to morla about a quote i read somewhere: the more i let go of my history, the more i find out who i am.
the more i’ve managed to detach from my history, by facing it and dealing with it, the less it influences my daily life, the more i’ve been able to let it go…
and the more of it that goes, the more space there is to become me.
me without them.
without other people’s stories they told me about myself, without other people’s baggage that was dumped on me, without inherited family culture that cartwheels pain from one generation to the next…
the more i let go of my history, the more i find out who i am.
i always thought that without your stories, you’re nothing. turns out, you’re so much more.
but that does leave the question about what to do with the past. even though you’ve detached from it, it’s still there. like an open field at the back of your house that you’ve picked clean of weeds and cleared of all the shit everyone dumped there.
what do you do with it?
and so morla suggested something interesting: if i could create any past, any past at all, what would i create? if i can imagine the recreation of my history – what would it look like?
if you could recreate your history, who would be there and what would they be doing? what monsters would you change into friends; what demons into angels?
and after all of that that has changed, who would you be?
so many questions all the time.
it’s a good thing that imagination can have an answer for all of them.
i guess that’s really the gift of sorting your shit out right? all of that kinda happens anyway.
happy day for you my darling plums.
hugs and belly rubs,