Book launches, dinner parties and my fear of both…

book launch

well it’s that time. this launch business has got me all discomforted. let me just put it this way: i am a terrible host.

when i do dinners in my tiny tiny apartment i make one-dish meals, throw in lots of wine, dim the lights and tell everyone to bring something because i don’t eat 90% of what is considered food (meat and wheat). then i sit back and laugh and eat and get drunk and talk and talk and eat all the dessert until everyone goes home and then i fall asleep.

that is how i understand hosting parties. i don’t fuss over meals and cooking, i don’t fret about table decor, i don’t work myself up into an apoplexy because i don’t have the right glasses for my 2014 Cab Sav. i really do long to be that person, but i’m not. i live vicariously through those friends of mine who are.

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love this. not me.

some might call it lazy, but i know it for what it is: a mortal fear of not being awesome enough. so. since i know i don’t have it in me to give enough of a fuck to go to all the fuss, i set my bar very low. at around about ‘i’m giving you food and wine and AMBIENCE (pronounced ahm-bee-ahhhns) and that’s enough because we’re mates and you’re bound to love me no matter what’.

but now there is this fucking launch. and i say ‘fucking’ not to be disparaging of the launch itself (in fact i should be grateful there is one at all; was told there will no longer be launches). nope. ‘fucking’ as in ‘OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FUCK AM I GOING TO DO’ and ‘WHAT IF IT’S AWFUL AND EVERYONE HATES IT AND THEY LAUGH AT ME (like, not in a funny way, just behind my back way. you know, what i do to people i don’t like sometimes.)’

chickens

chickens. they come home to roost.

so i’ve decided only friends, family, people who are paid to be there and some folks who actually like what i do. hence this little invite. which i’ve posted on facebook. and twitter. and so far i’ve had FIVE responses. five.

that’s not depressing at all.

le sigh.

but at least those five actually want to be there right? right?? *goes back to check the actual wording*

yes. by the sounds of it they’re super keen. so.

alarm_clock

any. hoo.

so there’s still space. you know. if you’d like to come. but, uh, hurry because these suckers are going quickly. will be going quickly. veeery quickly. veeeeery soon.

heidi side