i don’t think this is the first time there’s been this sort of ‘secret’. it’s a bit like the ‘peeing in the shower’ one (which is actually part of this week’s postsecret collection again, which just makes me feel like we should all stop thinking of peeing in the shower as a secret and just accept it as a fact of life.
in fact, we should shame those who do NOT pee in showers. like: what’s wrong with you weirdo? wasting valuable loo water when you could multitask and let it all wash away with eco-friendly soap suds and skin dirt.
waster! EVIL BAD SHAMEFUL SELFISH WASTER.
disturbing how easy it is to turn that little table hey?
shame. i read something interesting about it the other day, that while guilt is about the personal, shame is about the collective: what will the collective think of this thing i am doing.
this is probably common knowledge to most people, but i’ve worked quite a lot with unravelling shame and guilt in the whole therapy whatsits, and the way it’s made sense to me so far is that guilt is a feeling attached to doing something wrong, while shame is a feeling attached to believing that you – your Self, your being in the world, in the collective i guess – is wrong.
you are just wrong.
instead of it being a case of ‘what will the collective think of this thing i am doing’, it is rather a case of ‘what will the collective think of this thing i AM’.
and invariably the I AM is never good enough. or at least, not for long enough. maybe only meryl streep has gotten away with it.
the hive-mind of the human collective is so fickle that if you attach any deep value to it you’ll probably spend your time stumbling from anxiety highs to anxiety lows as you find yourself either in its favour or vying for its favour.
the process of humankind’s discovery of self might have fucked us as a species in many ways, but at least it reminds us that our happiness and contentment doesn’t have to rely on the approving nods of the collective we find ourselves in.
the only thing to do, i guess, is draw on a deep and full well of personal strength and believe in something more than the head pats of others. or hang out with a collective that accepts rather than shames. and not be, you know, a dick and kill any one, (unless you’re in the army or it’s for jesus cos then it’s ok), because then the shaming is necessary.
goddamnit this being a human shit is confusing sometimes.
best rather to just pee wherever is comfortable for you right?
as long as it’s not in public. because that’s gross and everyone agrees.