Ask Dot :: Can I flash her back because I think she’s flashing me

me, on reading this letter

Hallo Dorothy

I have only now accidently discovered your blog and like the way you “liberate” people’s thinking and preconceived ideas. Will definitely keep on reading your thoughts and insights. I have a “naughty” question for you…
How do woman feel/experience/enjoy a little flash/exhibitionism?
My question stem from an experience I had in an open plan office environment recently. This conservative appearing lady was wearing a dress with buttons upfront, top to bottom .
All buttons were buttoned up.
Walking around, you don’t notice anything, however, when she sits down  the dress “gapes” open just below her breasts because one, and only one button, has not been buttoned up.
Result: you can get a glimpse in sideways of the “under part” of her breasts but no nipples.
She was not wearing a bra and “seemed” un-aware of this “display” until I noticed her nipples getting more “prominent” under her dress. (I think they call it a nipple stand ?)
When she sat up straight, the gap closed and the “view” was gone.
I believe that I was definitely her “target” as she did it only with me.
I had to assist her with a computer problem.
Now my real question… well actually two questions…
Can I “play” with her as well and return the “favour” as I believe she was doing it on purpose and had some “fun” doing this ?
(Would she like a “return favour” ? OR would she just “like“ doing that – how does Lady’s think about this?)
And
How would I go about “returning the favour/flashing” her back in a non threatening “playful” way?
What would a lady “like” to see ???
As you know, we men do not have the “luxury” of being able to “flash” breasts, belly buttons and Legs
Any ideas or advice ?
Ps; If you want to “blog/post” your reply  you can refer to me as “mr Stiffy” 

***

Oh dear god. I hope to all the sky fairies above that you have not done anything between mailing your question and getting this answer, but here goes anyway.

Mr S.

I think the best way to approach this letter is bit by bit, like when your mom made you eat food that physically repulsed you but you knew it was probably for the best to get it over with.

I have only now accidently discovered your blog and like the way you “liberate” people’s thinking and preconceived ideas. Will definitely keep on reading your thoughts and insights. I have a “naughty” question for you…

This is good news Mr S because I feel this information is going to be very important for your future well-being in that it might keep you out of jail. And if by ‘naughty’ you mean ‘sexually aggressive and rape-y’ then you sure do…

How do woman feel/experience/enjoy a little flash/exhibitionism?

Unless they have expressly set up a play with a lover they’re into that involves this scenario – where they are flashing or being flashed – let me make it absolutely, one hundred percent clear: NO ONE LIKES BEING FLASHED BY STRANGERS OR COLLEAGUES and you can NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ASSUME that this is a kink for someone.

Your interpretation of her behaviour is YOUR FANTASY, not her creation.

My question stem from an experience I had in an open plan office environment recently. This conservative appearing lady was wearing a dress with buttons upfront, top to bottom . 

All buttons were buttoned up. Walking around, you don’t notice anything, however, when she sits down  the dress “gapes” open just below her breasts because one, and only one button, has not been buttoned up. Result: you can get a glimpse in sideways of the “under part” of her breasts but no nipples.

It is incredibly creepy that you are summing up your colleague’s clothing and sexual demeanour this way. I need you to understand VERY clearly that THIS scrutiny and predatory behaviour is what makes women feel unsafe in the work place. The fact that she is not wearing bra has literally nothing to do with trying to turn you on. Bras are very uncomfortable items of clothing for many women and if they have the option of not wearing one, many are choosing not to. Me included.

She was not wearing a bra and “seemed” un-aware of this “display” until I noticed her nipples getting more “prominent under her dress. (I think they call it a nipple stand ?)

Ya think? Mr S, I get the feeling in this question that this is a delicious fantasy you have and the mere act of typing it out with the quotes informing some sexy naivety on her part and your feigning ignorance about nipple stands gets you right off.

But just in case you’re being serious: “Do” “not” “assume” “someone” “else’s” “state” “of” “mind” “ever”.

Your interpretation of her behaviour is YOUR FANTASY, not her creation.

She is not ‘turning you on’, you are being turned on by a visual YOU are seeing that YOU are mixing up with a fantasy YOU have.

Can you understand this distinction? This woman is playing no actual role in this scenario.

not real life

When she sat up straight, the gap closed and the “view” was gone.

It’s not the “view” for your pleasure. She sat up and physics did the rest.

I believe that I was definitely her “target” as she did it only with me.

The only person doing the ‘targeting’ here is you. She is not DOING anything. YOU are targeting her. Do you see how predatory this is? Do you have ANY idea at all?

darn goat tryna target you

I had to assist her with a computer problem.

How unfortunate for her.

Can I “play” with her as well and return the “favour” as I believe she was doing it on purpose and had some “fun” doing this ? (Would she like a “return favour” ? OR would she just “like“ doing that – how does Lady’s think about this?)

DEAR GOD NO. NO NO NO NO NO. NO.

Do not “play”, return no “favours”, DO NOT HAVE “fun” (SERIOUSLY “FUN” IN QUOTES SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING PENNYWISE WANTS TO DO WHICH IS WHAT YOU’RE BORDERING HERE).

hello little child. you’re wearing that raincoat because you’d like to have some FUN in the drains with me, right?

How would I go about “returning the favour/flashing” her back in a non threatening “playful” way?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. YOU WOULD NOT GO ABOUT DOING ANYTHING.

If you want to do something, go home and jerk off to this fantasy. DO NOT MAKE IT HER PROBLEM BY SEXUALLY HARASSING HER. There is no ‘non-threatening’, ‘playful’ way to execute sexual abuse. The mere fact that you use the word ‘non-threatening’ means that you acknowledge the line here.

What would a lady “like” to see ???

I don’t know any fucking ladies, but I’ll tell you what women want to see: More respect and less objectification. An understanding of what consensual adult play looks like. Not being opted into someone’s creation of a fantasy simply because ‘tits and arse’. Not being harassed in the work place. Not being treated like prey.

As you know, we men do not have the “luxury” of being able to “flash” breasts, belly buttons and Legs 

Again. Women are not ‘flashing’ to give you a hard on when they wear clothes that reveal their legs, belly buttons or breasts. They are wearing clothes FOR THEMSELVES to feel comfortable, sexy, cool, fashionable, fun… ANY NUMBER OF REASONS that have less than zero to do with your penis.

I wish this didn’t have to be stated, but I PROMISE you Mr S and every other man-mind who finds agreement with him, women do not exist for your hard-on.

I know this is a very difficult mind-shift to make. I know thousands of years of patriarchy makes it difficult to grasp. I know terrabytes of porn tells you otherwise.

But it’s deeply important that y’all to try to grasp this fact: Women are independent humans with their own goals, experiences, desires, attractions, repulsions and worries. Their existence is not premised on getting you to cum.

Wild right?

If you would like to engage a woman in sexual play you have to approach her and ASK her. If you want to move a flirt to something physical AT LEAST BE CLEAR THAT IT IS MUTUAL.

OTHERWISE KEEP IT IN YOUR HEAD AND YOUR PANTS.

Any ideas or advice ?

Reflect long and hard on the difference between fantasy and real life. Question your belief system around women, sexuality and appropriate, adult responses to attraction. If you are unable to make this distinction then seek help, because the la-la-land you’re living in right now is likely to hurt someone if you see it through.

And now. One final thought.

If there is someone you are attracted to, if there is someone you THINK you share chemistry with, if there is someone you IMAGINE is flirting with you – ASK THEM OUT. Ask them on a date, ask them if they feel the same way, ask them if you’re imagining things. DO NOT ASSUME.

If the situation is inappropriate – if the power balance is out, if you want to go straight to sexual interaction when you’ve barely initiated a verbal conversation, if you have to lie to someone about it, if you’re having to cross serious boundaries – THEN SPEAK TO SOMEONE ELSE ABOUT IT.

And Mr S? ‘Mr Stiffy’ really reveals your infantile penis fixation.

Hope that clears it up for you.
dot