last year friends of mine went back to the uk after trying to make a home for themselves here. they left their little black-headed caique in my care until his papers had been sorted out and he could join them there.
but lots of consideration later (getting your bird to another country is a real mission) they asked if i would like to look after their little boy for good. i love birds so i was all yeah yup ok yes yes yes.
if you follow me on instagram, twitter or facebook you would’ve heard me natter on about griffin a lot. i’ve mentioned him here once or twice only.
griffin came to stay with me at a time that i really needed something to care for. it was the tail-end of the sad story that was my relationship end with the beard, i was feeling just miserable about life in general and frankly grif was sometimes the only reason i got out of bed in the morning.
he is a small parrot with orange pantaloons and the attitude of genghis khan. he is the king that will fight you no matter how big you are or cuddle you no matter how new you are. his personality is a thousand times his size and his capacity for cute double that.
when it’s been too cold and frosty in winter, he has slept on my chest, head first down my top with his feathery bum in my face; he loves belly rubs and under-wing tickles and cheek scratches. he likes it if you help him preen.
he motorboats boobs and has learnt how to undo top buttons. he likes hanging off the hip on panties and chewing bras.
his favourite food is grapes and chicken because he’s hardcore that way. he also likes carob and hillcrest berries when they’re soggy. in fact any soggy food that gives him a little soggy-food beak beard is the best.
he likes hanging upside down the best and dark nooks and crannies are crazy fascinating places. scratching in sand is particularly fun and anything i need to use is the best chewable thing. he will nudge your fingers for a cuddle, like a little feathery cat.
he likes to walk around the house and visit people in other rooms.
he is my little boy, the little soul that gives my home its voice and energy.
and yes he uses his voice to talk, a lot. most people don’t hear that. what they will hear is him whistling to the people in the street and making a noise if there is noise being made by people.
sometimes he makes shrieky, irritating sounds. but most days he doesn’t. once a day, as the sun sets, he likes to make a lot of dusk noises. but sometimes he doesn’t.
and now, thanks to a shitty neighbour – a new neighbour i’d have to imagine – i have to send my little boy away. because sometimes, once a day, his calls upset this one shitty person.
dear shitty person, we live in a neighbourhood with dogs barking, children shrieking, a school that is always loud, construction that is always happening somewhere, parties and people smoking so that their smoke wafts in everywhere. in our particular block we have musicians who play their instruments at all hours and conduct singing lessons at the weirdest times. we have louder than loud guinea fowl screeches, hadedas and egyptian geese. we’re in leafy area where birds go nuts at dusk and dawn.
do you complain about that as well?
i’m sorry your life is a miserable wasteland and you feel the need to extend your crap vibes to my one parrot. did you ever consider coming to speak to me directly about it like an adult?
i consider myself enormously fortunate that griffin can go back to his original owners who have all the love in the world for him and now have another little caique to keep him company. also the landlord is pretty cool about it. didn’t realise any pets weren’t allowed, but they were like we wouldn’t have bothered but for the complaints. so …
i would like to say a sincere fuck you very much, dear shitty neighbour, for going out of your way to make my life a little less lovely so that our neighbourhood is just a little less audible for you.
that is all folks. here is the picture of me being better than jennifer lawrence…